My first Love...

Ah, Love. The eight world wonders. What more convenient than knowing you are loved by someone who cares. William darling, I will never forget the day we actually cuddled together in my living room. Or was it before that I began to have feelings for you? Oh that's right, it was at the movies about 3 years ago.
I remember I was so nervous I didn't know whether to run or hide. But you, that confidence you gave me, made it so much better. Although we talked about awkward conversations but still, I very much enjoyed my bonding time. You place your hand in mine and the world couldn't be more full.
And just last year, we got back together, but I didn't know it would hurt so much to be cheated on.. did you know how much it would hurt? You lying bastard! I trusted you.
"You hooker! how dare you kiss my fiancee!" she yelled through text. Wow, I definitely know she is lying now.
"What the hell are you talking about, you don't know nothing! Quit trying to make up shit that's not even true." I snapped in furry.
"Oh yeah, well then why is it that he's sitting right next to me laughing at everything you say?"
"You bitch, as if I would believe that."
"I'll kick your fat ass any day. Your so ugly, do you honestly believe he would like some disgusting fat skank like you?" was it true William? Were you honestly sitting right next to her laughing your ass off at everything I said. Well I didn't believe it then, until I found out she was pregnant. The phone rang that very night I found out. I picked it up devastatingly.
"Hello?" I said.
"Your mad at me, and you have every right to be. I'm so sorry, just I can't forget about Ashley. I love her to much." You paused and sighed.
"I never thought you would do that? But its fine because I knew you were never mine."
"No! I was.. I mean I still am-"
"Don't kid yourself, I mean its fine, but look guess what? I wrote you a song," I said grabbing the notebook.
"You did? Bad or good?"
"I'll let you decide that," I don't know but maybe I'll just post my song on here. As I read on I could feel my body shaking, my voice cracking. You sounded surprised. After a few hours of talking about her, that was then that I hung up. I kept staring at the stars that night you know. My heart was in pieces, just the way you gave it back when all I did was give it to you whole! Did you know how much it hurt. You bounce back like damn ball just hoping everyone will take you back. But not anymore William. A week ago you send me a picture of your son, I was so happy, except for the part where you said at the bottom: "this is our son" I knew right away, you still loved her after you just called her a skanky whore that lied to you.
I hope he grows up to be a good man, and not a liar like his father.

Bossy Bossy Bossy

Sometimes Mom I really wish you wouldn't offend me as much as you do. I'm also not some dumb idiot! I don't need you to repeat the same damn thing over and over like I'm handicap or something. I don't see why I can't sleep over my friends house. I'm a big girl now mom, like you say that I don't need to have your hand in mine to help me through the way.
Like seriously, I know you love me to but it hurts sometimes. Yesterday you kept bitching at me because I had 3 sweaters on my bed. Three, now I would understand if I had my room a pig style but it wasn't. I vacuumed, dusted my furniture, and did my bed.
"No godas!" you would say, "I do everything in the house and your just sitting there with your ass up and don't do shit in the house." What the hell, seriously, our house is not messy! I know we are the only one's left. I know I'm the black sheep of the family, I smoke, I drink. But thank God you don't know that. If you did I would be long gone in a facility for people like me till I was 21.
I told you your words didn't hurt but unfortunately they do. You say my words hurt you but don't be a god damn hypocrite and do the same to others.
You tell me to help you pay the bills like my brother. But mom, I'm not my brother! I'm me. Can't anyone accept that! I'm only 17. Still in high school. And yes everyone. GASP. I know on my profile it says I'm twenty but I'm not. I'm only doing all this blogging thing to get rid of my anger and my stress some other way. Just like all of you.
Back to subject people. Why don't people accept one another? Did you know that if your best friend was just like you in every shape way or form. You would hate them..? But the only way I'm like my mother is that we want to be in charge. At least she thinks of it that way. But I like to think about It as independent.
I would like to walk outside knowing my mom wouldn't mind. I would like to go out and hang out with my friends every afternoon, at least after I do my chores. But no. Maybe that's why I'm Bsing all my classes. Don't worry mom, I will go to college. I will have a good life. Just if you would let me I will; I want to. I'm smart, I just don't do things right at times. I do know about respect, just I demand respect like you do Mom.
I love you dearly too. I'm a terrible child, I know. But I don't need everybody telling me that every waking moment of my god forsaken life. Those happy pills I take, well they don't help because there is no pill out there that can help me with my absolute disastrous life.

Start

Have you ever done something that you feel ashamed of but you don't regret it? You felt sorry, but you didn't mean it. All up until you learned the truth of what you did?
Why is it that the nature of a woman is to fall for everything any man says when they sweet talk you? Have they realized that all we ever wanted is to be with someone?
Yes, I did actually talk to someone I wasn't suppose to. At first I was very surprised because I have for what is called a "crush" on him since 6th grade. First time I laid my eyes upon him, I fell in love. He became my superman, my one and only thought. I haven't seen him in a long time; for it has been 3 years. I commented him on a photo and he talked to me. He said the words I have always wanted to hear, those sweet loving words. Those words saying, "You're so beautiful". But then my dream ended right when he wanted me to send pictures of myself. Honestly, I was stupid because I was still bound to his spell. And I send one, leading to another, and to another. Next day, I realized that he deleted me as a friend. Know that I still am very disappointed in myself. Why? because I fell. I lowered my standards for someone that never truly cared and never really thought I am "beautiful"
Lies, its the sickest thing we as humans have. I think everyday of my life why I do it. . . Truth is, I still haven't found the answer.